Lets say you want to do something like this:

The easiest thing to do is simply override the topbar selectors. Because of the nature of cascading stye sheets we do not need to include every element included in the topbar selectors within the bootstrap.css file, just the ones we want to change. In this example I created my own CSS file with just the selectors with the elements I needed to modify. This is preferred to editing the bootstrap.css file directly because it enables you upgrade the bootstrap framework without breaking your customizations in the future. So I created a css file, I called mine style.css, and included the following in style.css file:

.topbar-wrapper {
  position: relative;
  height: 40px;
  margin: 0;

}

.topbar-wrapper .topbar {
  position: absolute;
  margin: 0;
}

.topbar-wrapper .topbar .topbar-inner {
  /* Rounded Top */
  -moz-border-radius-topleft:4px;
  -moz-border-radius-topright:4px;
  -webkit-border-top-left-radius:4px;
  -webkit-border-top-right-radius:4px;
  border-top-left-radius:4px;
  border-top-right-radius:4px;
}

Then to ensure your css overrides the bootstrap css all you have to do is include your css file after the bootstrap css file in the head section of your html.

<link rel="stylesheet" href="css/bootstrap.min.css" type="text/css" />
<link rel="stylesheet" href="css/style.css" type="text/css" />

The last step is body of your html. Just include your logo, and/or div that you want to contain the content you wish to display above the topbar. Like this:

<div class="container">
  <a href="/"><img src="images/logo.png" alt="Jeffrey Stone" title="Jeffrey Stone" ></a>
    <div class="topbar-wrapper" style="z-index: 5;">

That all there is to it. Other customizations to Twitter Bootstrap can be carried out in the same way allowing you to customize Twitter Bootstrap to fit you next project. This code has only been tested with Twitter Bootstrap 1.4.

You can view the live demo.

Git is a little more contained. No servers to setup. Actually not much setup at all until you want to publish your project at Github.

I am on a Mac so these instructions are for Mac, although its just as easy to setup on your PC.

First, you will need to grab git. You can find the dmg file at code.google.com. Or if you have macports installed on your system you can just do the following:

sudo macport install git-core

Once you have that installed we will need to do a little configuration. The following commands just setup the default user and email that will be included in the git files. From the command line you will need to run:

git config --global user.name "Joe User"
git config --global user.email "joe@user.net"

After that we are ready to setup project. You will want to do the next commands from the directory your project is in, so you will need to cd to the directory:

cd /home/jeffrey/newproject

Once you are in the project directory run the following command to setup the repository.

git init

After we have the repository setup we need to add the files. The following command add the files to the staging area.

git add .

Now that the files are staged we need to commit the changes to the repository. What ever you put in the quotes should briefly describe the changes.

git commit -m "First Commit"

After that everything is setup. After you make changes and are ready to update the repository just do the following.

git add .
git commit -m "Fixed typo in index.php"

The period on the git add line simple means include all files. Instead of a period you could just specify a specific file as in “git add index.php”

Once you have got your initial repo going with git, now is time to start using it to it’s full intention. I suggest you read Andrew Burgess’s Getting Good with Git. He goes into branching and checking out branches which is where the true power lies in my opinion. Git can literally manage multiple versions of your application in one directory. The files that are visible in that directory are set by Git and based on what branch you have checked out. Git makes it very simple way to manage your source code and without the headache of setting up a repository on a server. There is no reason why you couldn’t be using Git to manage your source code today even if you have no desire to ever push that code to a public repo like Github.

Git definitely makes version control easier. If you are struggling with the concept of version control and how to set it up and use check out git and put Andrew Burgess’s Getting Good with Git on your reading list.

I am not a designer so one of the tasks that seems to drain my spirt is designing a layout. Don’t get me wrong. I am very opinionated about usability of a layout I just hate coding the layout. Then I stumbled on the Twitter Bootstrap project. If you have not seen this open source project from the Twitter team you really need to… especially if you are like me and hate building the UI. I won’t go into the particulars because U trust you can all read for yourself. The Bootstrap framework has some great documentation. It basically contains 90% of everything you would need for the majority of sites and is easy to use. Customization is not as easy, but as long as you understand CSS you should be fine.

So if you need a new layout for your site or application I suggest checking it out. If it isn’t perfect it will at least be a great spring board.

First was a redesign on katherinestone.net. Previously the site was a simple photoblog. We updated it so it could not only have a portfolio but also a blog for news about her work, and a store. I think it looks good and does an excellent job of showing off her images. The change was in part due to her first solo photography show which officially opens today.

Second was a redesign of angel-photography.com. The biggest reason behind the change was I wanted to not only get rid of the flash slideshow on the main page (I hate flash) but also update the site to HTML5/CSS3. I used jQuery to power the slideshow to ensure it was accesible on any computer or mobile device. The layout was slightly modified in the process to give it an updated look, but the majority of the content remains the same.

If you get a chance to check them out, let me know what you think.

Google+ really is like Twitter, Facebook, and tumblr got together, got drunk on cheap beer, fooled around, and the result of that one night of drunken debauchery was a social media love child. Like a special edition love child that only a few people can play with. Really it’s the Jesus of love childs with only a few people knowing the location of the manger so can take in peak and the new arrival in the social media world. Despite the much disliked exclusivity right now I think they might be on to something.

First off I really like Circles. The concept is not entirely new. Diaspora used a similar concept for setting up permissions, and to a lesser extent Facebook has groups. But for me it’s the combination of the privacy aspect with the intuitive editor. It’s just a great interface and it gives much more control of your content based on groups you interact with. Our social interactions offline are not the same so why should they be online? I only seldom share the same stories or details across every group I interact with offline. I tend to make some things private based on my groups and this is where Circles really shines. It mirrors offline social interactions in an online environment. And I think that is a first for any social media network to date. Not to mention, the whole idea that I define my relationships differently than the people I share content with is also refreshing. We no longer have to be separated into just followers and non-followers, or friends and non-friends. Now there is a social media site that will let you group your friends based on the beer they drink or their hair color or even based on the number of letters they have in their name. It’s like an OCD person’s dream come true.

Speaking of privacy I think Google’s intention and implementation of privacy is radical enough that many people are having issues. It seems there is an expectation around things like mentions and sharing that is causing some issues manifested in content being shared with a group larger than expected. I really think this comes down to people not bothering to understand Google+ and just jumping in and using it like they have used other social media sites. I see this same mentality in people migrating from Windows to Linux. It results in a lot of frustration for the user and the majority of the time those people say Linux is hard and go back to Windows. I’m not sure it serious enough to turn people off, but I think it will continue to cause some frustration. Developers will no doubt take the blame for the frustrations, but I tend to think it’s a user problem. Although that could just be the developer in me talking. Back to Google+.

The idea that I could really use it as the landing page for my online identity or even my blog is somewhat exciting although I’m not ready to go all in with Google+ myself. You really can’t do that with any of the other social media sites out there with the exception of Tumblr. Kevin Rose already made the move according to a twitter post. So it might give Google+ a slight edge when the masses join up.

I’m not sold on the idea of hangouts. Its a cool concept and it feels better implemented to me than Facebook’s Skype video calling, but I’m just not sure people outside the online celebs would use it. I could see it as a collaboration tool, but I wouldn’t get on a video conference call with 10 other people just to chat. Perhaps if Google+ was my only access to real-time, face to face social interaction with my friends it might be exciting. I would rather head to the bar with 10 of my friends. Of course they would probably just be hanging out Google+ on their phones so maybe Google was on to something.

I would love to be able to set a circle as my default stream. That way I can start my visit with the content I am most interested in and then work my way down the gradient. Now I just get everyone. And while I follow people that doesn’t mean I need to know their every move. It just makes it east to check in. Perhaps that already exists, but if it does I haven’t found it. Also I have not found a place to modify which events generates a automatic “post.” It would be nice to control that as well. I don’t think changing my profile picture is worthy of a post to my stream. Outside of that I would love some integration with Twitter and possibly some of the location based services.

I know a lot of people divide their use of social networks along product or service lines based on the content. For example someone might use Facebook for Family/Friends and Twitter for work. But a lot of the same people I follow and interact with on Google+ I follow on Twitter but many or not. For whatever reason (techno-phobic, Google-phobic, communist) some people just won’t be on every social network so why not integrate the systems so I can cross post without actually having to work to cross post. I hate the idea of having to post content to multiple services. If I re-tweet something on Twitter I want it to post to Google+ because the likelihood of me actually posting the same content on all the sites I use is zero. Perhaps we wont see that until we get Google+ API is released, but hopefully it will be soon. Personally I believe it will only help because I don’t think there is anything Google can do that will cause people – and by people I mean non-early-tech-adopters – to completely abandon their current social networks. So why not make it easier for them to start using Google+ without having to really use it. Perhaps it would grow on them. The only way Google would ever beat Facebook at this point is slowly overtime.

Overall, I think Google+ is off to a good start. I look forward to see what improvements they make. I think this social media love child has the potential to grow up to be a social media messiah of sorts. At the least they have my attention.

This really isn’t all that surprising to me. The business world has always been slow adopters of new technology and the ideas behind that technology. Many times when technology first hits the masses they see the negative. VCRs faced a storm of criticism before videotape tape rentals and sales overtook box office sales and even became savior of some films that struggled to find a home at the cineplex. Consumers flocked to services Napster, and the idea of downloading music long before the Studios decided to embrace the new delivery method of music. And Social Media has not been any different.

It easy to see which companies are really using Social Media to drive sales and service, and those just adding to the noise. There are the companies like Old Spice – who doesn’t know the Old Spice Guy? – who integrate Social Media into ad campaigns that attract millions of views or the companies like Google and Southwest Airlines that actually interact with their customers via Twitter. Authors like Joe Hill, Cassandra Clare, and Richelle Mead use Twitter to interact with their fans providing something that once was only available if you caught them at a signing or conference. The power of Social Media is in the bidirectional conversation. Companies that use it only as a free ad platform are “doing it wrong” as the internet catchphrase goes. Social Media gives you not only the ability to see what people are saying about your brand, but gives you another avenue to get feedback from them and make them feel part of the process. There have been many stories of the past couple of years of incidents where customers were having a problem with a product or service. In each one of these people were having trouble getting results through the normal channels and used Twitter to reach out to the company and the problem got fixed quickly.

The company I work for started “using” Twitter and Facebook about two or three years ago. At first the strategy didn’t make sense to me. Ok the strategy still doesn’t make sense to me. First off, our customer base is not that young and in our industry technology adoption has been slow if not non-existent at times. Our online presence only really started to take off in the last 6 years or so. Online transactions are finally starting to outpace the face to face interactions. We continue to use both Twitter and Facebook as an ad platform blasting those few customers that follow us with blurbs about what is happening that day. There is still no Social interaction with customers. The conversation is still just one-way, and most likely as effective as the emails or faxes they send out. This use of Social Media is all too common.

Companies have been in a frenzy lately hiring people to be Social Media experts. The question is what are all these so-called Social Media experts doing? My guess is while they enjoy using Social Media they do not get the power behind it or how to leverage it in a business environment. There are some people that do get it. Josh Berthume is one working to change the world or at the least how companies use Social Media. But my guess is most of these so called Social Media Experts enjoy getting badges and sending out tweets about the shoes they just bought or the food they just ate, but they have no idea how to integrate it into customer experience. They have forgotten the important part of the phrase of Social Media is the word Social. Until companies start embracing the Social interaction that users of the Social Media services feed on, they will continue to fail at integrating it successfully in their business.

Racism is alive and well in the world, there is no doubt of that. And yes the ‘n’ word is derogatory. Yes, it is no longer used in civilized conversation. Well, that is unless you consider Rap music civilized conversation and then its used quite often. But the truth is the word was used in common conversation at one time, and removing it from Adventures of Huckleberry Finn doesn’t change that or in anyway directly or indirectly make strides towards removing racism from the minds and hearts of people. Actually I think the removal of the ‘n’ word highlights the major issue preventing us as people from finally putting the past behind us, mending the bridges, and actually making some serious progress to racial equality.

Adventures of Huckleberry Finn is a wonderful novel that is written about a time in which morals and values were different than they are today. For many Americans the way of life described in the book is painful. It was a time where we as a nation or society didn’t live up to our mantra that all men are born free and created equal. But hiding from that past doesn’t erase it. It doesn’t ease the pain, or the anger. It simply allows the racism and sentiment behind it to linger in the shadows where it can grow without the constant exposure. It gives it a place where it can ferment getting stronger and bolder over time instead of withering to dust as those that want to hide it from you think and hope.

I have been and will always be against banning or censoring of books. As kids we are taught to face our fears not run from them, and banning books or editing the bad words out of them is simply a cowardly way of handling a tough subject. There is no arguing books are powerful objects with the ability to influence people. Just look at the Bible, or the Qur’an and the events throughout history that those books have inspired and continue to inspire. Books like Adventures of Huckleberry Finn and the countless banned by schools, parents, religious groups have no less power. But hiding those books or the words they contain from people doesn’t protect those reading them. It does the opposite. It denies those individuals the chance to see life through another’s eyes or from seeing the questions they hadn’t thought to ask or even the chance to understand their own feelings and thoughts better when compared to someone else.

Adventures of Huckleberry Finn should be allowed in school, unaltered from the original. It should be allowed to do what any book is meant to do. To entertain at times. To illustrate our past, present, or future. To warn us of life’s pitfalls or show us it’s joys. Maybe even prompt us to question the world around us. And most of all to discover our self though the journey. Mark Twain doesn’t promote racism in Adventures of Huckleberry Finn as I am sure some of those calling for it’s banishment from school believe, and its not a living document that should change with the time. It’s a snapshot of life during a period of time. No different than a photograph in that its a static illustration.

The character of Huckleberry Finn, while shown to be a product of his upbringing and the world around him, show us that he can determine the true value of a man without and perhaps in spite of that upbringing. Huck Finn shows us that even in a world filled with people using the ‘n’ word and racism we can still choose not to be influenced by it. It is time we take a lesson from Huck Finn and realize that in a world filed with rappers, and old books that contain the “N” word we can choose not to be influenced by it.

We will not defeat racism by sweeping it under the rug. We will only defeat it by dragging it from the shadows where the light of the world can shine upon it exposing it’s flaws in perfect detail. Its time we stopped running from it because we are scared and for once face our fear and have an honest and open conversation. Only then can we hope to have a chance at erasing racism.

As I type this the we are somewhere between what many have called Wiki Dump III and the pending Wiki Dump IV. The real threat in the release of the Iraq Papers, the Afghanistan Papers, and the first Part of the Cable Release is being hotly debated in the court of public opinion these days with no one really knowing the true impact. The only thing I am sure of is that we as American citizens have not only lost our way, but we are being hoodwinked. Not to mention it seems many are calling for the hoodwinking to continue by trying to suppress the release of information and to allow the government to continue hiding behind the “classified” tag. Some of the things in the released documents are quite unnerving. I dare say some of the information hints at items that might even be considered War Crime charge worthy especially as the light shines upon some of the allegations. Like the US military involvement in covering up the murder of Iraqi citizens, taking part in some questionable military actions, and now even a revelation that US government money may have been used in human sex trafficking in Afghanistan.

I do agree that there needs to be some control on information. For instance we don’t want just anyone having the launch codes of our nuclear ICBMs. But at the same time that control shouldn’t protect those trying to hide from the law in the possible cover ups of murdered Iraqi citizens, or US government contractors supporting human trafficking. We can argue the issue of whether the release of classified material such as the Pentagon Papers in the seventies or the documents being released by Wikileaks now is illegal or protected by the constitution. Clearly the theft of the material is illegal, but that would be why PFC. Bradley Manning is currently being held by the military. But I tend to think the release of the material is protected by the Constitution, and I happen to support it because our government is of the people, by the people, and for the people. While the release of the information may endanger American lives, I think the threat to America as a whole is at a bigger risk by not releasing it.

A long time ago, a group of farmers, cobblers, fishermen, bakers, and lawyers stood up for something they thought was the fundamental right of every human being born on the Earth. The right to be free men. Free from things like taxation without representation and from the common Writ of Acceptance along with the simple idea that as British citizens they should be afforded the rights of British citizens. As always, a radical change like freedom doesn’t come easy.

There are many that probably believe freedom was a cause embraced by everyone from the beginning. That it was a spark that once lit it grew to a raging brush fire before turning into a inferno that couldn’t be stopped. I tend to believe it wasn’t as inspiring as the history books make it out to be. We didn’t fight our way to freedom. We were not led to freedom by our leaders per say. We were dragged to freedom, kicking and screaming all the way from the waiting room to the delivery room. Probably even knocking out a couple of nurses before we gave in to the inevitable. Sure some great men stood up to show us the way, but it took a lot of blood to get us to where we are today.

For every John Adams and Thomas Jefferson there were hundreds if not thousands of Loyalists that believe the idea of separating from the Crown to be treasonous. They laughed at the idea that men were born free. Instead believing freedom and the rights associated with it were given by the King, not the Creator. Those that preferred to stay in the good graces of the King listed things like security as one of the benefits of doing so, and they sought to protect their fortunes believing that wealth and property were the key to life. They fought the change and yet somewhere along the way the rabble of farmers, cobblers, fishermen, bakers, and lawyers won us our freedom.

The battle didn’t stopped there. Men and Women over the years have traded their blood to ensure this country continued to be the beacon of freedom our Founding Fathers believed it was. And just not our freedom, but the freedom of those that couldn’t take it back themselves. And while the Founding Fathers that help us get out from under the monarchy were not directly involved in the construction of the Statue of Liberty I think the inscription mounted near her pedestal echos their sentiment.

“Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”

Yet these days we turn people away at the borders. We allow our government to spy on its citizens using wire taps or GPS units attached to vehicles without a court order. We allow ourselves to be treated like a criminals just because we buy a plane ticket. I’m sorry just because I buy a plane ticket doesn’t mean I am a potential terrorist. And yet I’m treated like one and searched for contraband. Actually I find this one particular interesting because I see this search something akin to the Writ of Acceptance that was popular once upon a time and gave “officials” the right to search anyone they wished for contraband without cause. Incidentally its believed to be one of the practices that inspired the writing of the Fourth Amendment.

I understand there is a human desire to be safe. A desire to live forever and a fear of death. But life is not guaranteed. The truth, as you are aware, is that we die. Our time on Earth is extremely short when compared to the life of the Earth itself. If I knew there were terrorists on my plane planning to kill everyone on board I would avoid it. The same as I would avoid getting on the freeway if I knew a drunk driver was going to plow into my car, or not eating that berry on that plant because it is going to kill me. And I try to make myself and my family as safe as possible. But there are too many things in this world that can harm me I simply cannot waste my time trying to stop them all. If I did that there would be no time to enjoy life.

Ben Franklin is reputed to have said “They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither safety nor liberty.” Many have argued that Terrorists didn’t exist during Franklin’s time and he would probably not have said this if they did. I don’t agree with this. In fact, some would have considered the rabble of farmers and cobblers that stood up for freedom terrorists. But Franklin most assuredly knew that by supporting the cause of Freedom he risked his own life if we didn’t secure it. He was not stupid. He just understood that the cause of Freedom was greater than his own life. It happens I believe this too. Without Freedom, safety is meaningless. Some will argue there has to be a balance. I don’t think so. Freedom trumps everything. Just ask the brave Men and Women who have died and spilled their blood for Liberty. As Patrick Henry said, “Give me Freedom, or give me death.”

Freedom is not without risks. The inherent risks are part of the package we accept when signing up for Freedom. But its also a price we gladly pay because the rewards out weigh the risks. But in the last few years we have allowed the fear planted by terrorists to convince us its not worth the risks.

Terrorism isn’t a religion, or a race, or even a person. Its an ideology that believes one can enact change, or gain control or power over people using fear. Fear is a powerful motivator. I mean, sermons of Fire and Brimstone are common when talking of what happens in the afterlife if you don’t live a certain way. In a way Religion uses fear as a motivator. Politicians use it to gain support, trying to scare you of the risks of not supporting them. The terrorists use it to great effect. Almost 3000 people died on 9/11. Any loss of life is regrettable, but that’s nearly 1/6 the number of Americans killed by drunk drivers just in 2009 alone. And yet our whole way of life seems to have changed. More people have died since 9/11 at the hands of drunk drivers than have died in terrorists attacks on U. S. soil, and yet our lives have changed more by the desire to stop terrorists than drunk drivers. By giving in to the Terrorists campaign of fear we allow them the very thing they want. We allow them to win because they want us scared to fly. They want us scared to keep living life the way we feel it should be lived.

Some where along the way I think we forgot why our ancestors came to these shores and have started allowing some of that control we fought to rid ourselves of back in. Some of the things our government is doing to American citizens look perilously like some of the very things our Forefathers listed as grievances against a tyrannical King in my opinion. Not to mention there seem to be no shortage in Loyalists to the government once again using their safety and protection as justifications for more control and less freedom.

Americans seem to have forgotten that Freedom is a concept that goes beyond our borders, our interests, and our own lives. Its not something that American’s have exclusive access to it. Its bestowed on us by our Creator. The only people that can take it away are those we let take it. And once you let someone take it, foreign or domestic, it’s extremely costly to gain it back.

The first iteration of AppleTV was a flop. About the only thing it was good for was linking your TV/Entertainment center to your Mac, and there were many cheaper solutions already on the market for playing your iTunes playlists on your stereo. Fast forward to Wednesday’s much anticipated announcement. Many predicted we would see a new AppleTV, and there was a collective intake of breath as we saw the famous “One More Thing” but the excitement soon faded as Steve unveiled Apple’s vision. At least at my desk.

The new version of AppleTV is smaller and there are a couple of new features, but it doesn’t do anything that isn’t already available by another manufacturer with one exception. You can push content from your iPad to your TV. Apple at least understands we want all of our devices to be connected, but they do not appear to understand much more than that. Perhaps they do not know about Roku, Boxee Box, that Youtube is testing movie rentals, or that we already get Netflix through our game consoles. And yet despite this lapse in judgment I do believe Apple has the pieces to make AppleTV a compelling product.

AppleTV needs to be based on iOS so it can bring the App Model to our TVs. For too long we have been slaves to the Cable and Satellite companies and their over priced packages. It doesn’t make sense to purchase a package of 50 channels you don’t want to get the one channel you do want. Let the content creators sell Apps or partner with websites like Hulu to publish their content. I would be much more open to buying an HBO app directly from HBO or even subscribing for $15 a month instead of paying a cable company $40 a month. Plus the App could allow you to access the content at anytime, from anywhere. Allow consumers to use the internet connection they already have to consume the content instead of paying another company $60 to $120+ for another connection to watch 3-4 shows.

I believe the future of media consumption is a la carte and the app model is the easiest way to implement that. Sure it would have been a big risk to introduce such a revolutionary concept into the world, and Apple would have no doubt made enemies. But Apple has built a company on taking bold steps and being leaders in the industry when it comes to new ways of doing the same old stuff not just followers. Of course the Cable and Satellite companies are going to fight it. They have said all along why they do not want to sell bandwidth, but in the end we as consumers want more control over our digital media.

I think Apple missed a golden opportunity to once again revolutionize a product we all have in our house, and in doing so may have just handed this product to Google. Google has already announced that their GoogleTV coming sometime this Fall will be based on Android and will indeed run Apps. Just in time to help us forget we got excited about what AppleTV could have been.

As I type this I can’t help but smile as I look back at how I saw my parents growing up. As a teenager, they were out to ruin my life. They had no more a grasp on the struggles of my generation than they did the IBM PS1 computer we had in the den. But my actions only exasperated the issue.

I, like many of my peers, rebelled against my parents and their authority. I am pretty sure this can be traced back to a girl, and I pretty sure it was the same for most of my male counterparts. Maybe some of the female ones too. I’m not blaming her for leading the cause, but she definitely was the inspiration. Without her I do not think there would have been a reason to miss curfew for the first time, or the times after actually.

I attended a small party at her house before my sophomore year in High School as a farewell to the summer. We pretty much just sat around and discussed music and movies while we listened to 80’s tunes, and lost track of time. Her mother was a huge Cure fan, still is I imagine.

I tried to sneak back in the house at around 2:30am, but my father was out of bed and standing behind me as I tried to quietly close the front door and slip off to my room. I do not remember exactly what was said when I turned around to face him, but I believe he asked if I was all right. I said I was and headed to my room without another word. The subject was brought up at breakfast but thankfully, it was not drawn out. They let me off with a warning, and no one brought up the subject again. At least not for a few weeks.

I started dating that girl a few weeks into the school year. I am pretty sure this, on her part at least, was because I was the only sophomore with a car, but I had no qualms using it to my advantage. I remember standing before both my parents after the homecoming game and asking if I could go to School club sponsored after game gathering. They both smiled and said that would be fine, as long as I didn’t come home at 2:30am.

The small gathering was held at the Methodist Church down the street after most home games and consisted mainly of snacks, games, and movies. We all watched a movie in the gym attached to the church, and then we stood outside in the parking lot talking with friends until the early hour morning hours. By the time I dropped her off and made it back home, it was 2am. This time no one greeted me as I came in. And why should they, they had said not to come home at 2:30am, and I had made it with thirty minutes to spare. My parents didn’t see it that way, or the humor in my interpretation. That was the first of several groundings I would get through out my high school career. I wont lie and say I didn’t deserve any of them, but most, I feel, were because my parents didn’t trust me.

This is funny to me now because after all they raised me. How could they not trust me? I have often thought their lack of trust may have been more of a lack of trust in their ability to raise a child that could stay out of trouble, than in myself. Perhaps it is the same lack of trust I have in myself now when thinking of the responsibility and dedication raising a child demands, but as a teenager I was sure it was because they simply didn’t understand what being a teenager growing up in the late eighties, early nineties meant. And like a movie that reveals at the end that everything you had figured out in the previous eighty-eight minutes was off base they had it figured out. Just as their parents had and their parent’s parents before them. At the ripe age of thirty-three I now see the decisions they made, the rules they put in place, and the punishment they dished out all had a hand in making me who I am by keeping me on the right track, and for that I owe them a huge debt of gratitude.

It only takes a quick scan of the headlines from your favorite news source to see that the generations since have not had the same helping hand. Whether violence or hate for the sake of posting a video on You Tube, school shootings, or just the blatant disregard for their fellow inhabitants on this planet the stories stick out like a fungus growing on the trunk of a large oak tree. And while we argue over stricter ratings on TV, music, and video games to protect our children, no one is stopping to ask the question, where have all the parents gone?

For those that want to see first hand the future of the world, I suggest getting a part-time job at a movie theater; it is truly an eye-opening look at the youth and the parent’s raising them. As an assistant manager for a theater I was amazed at parents who had no qualms bringing their young children to an R rated movie. Perhaps this was because my own parents didn’t let me see anything over PG-13 until I was thirteen unless they had already screened the movie. But I never fully trusted the parental intuitions of those standing at the box office when the conversations went something like this.

“Is there any nudity in ,” mom asked.

“No, it has several violent scenes though,” I replied.

“Oh, ok. That’s fine”

“It is a hard R due to the violence,” I continued.

“That’s ok. We are more worried about nudity.”

I would smile, slip them their tickets and change through the half circle cutout in the glass, and watch them disappeared into the theater while mumbling under my breath.

“Sure, a bare pair of breasts is far more destructive than seeing someone hacked to death with a dull axe as their blood curdling screams echo in the quiet theater.”

“Yeah, but the blood and limbs are fake, its only a movie,” I imagined would be their counter argument.

“Of course, but in Hollywood aren’t most of the breasts fake as well?”

No, I do not think the mere act of seeing something on a screen is the same as laying a match to the proverbial powder keg no mater how many nightly news programs tells us violent video games corrupt the children that play them. To me, it’s more like the powder itself. If left unattended, there is always a chance something else will come along and be the spark that sets it off. But if handled properly it’s no different than the loaded gun sitting on the nightstand. It’s an inanimate object. Without the pull of a trigger it could sit idle forever.

I will not, however, argue that seeing violence does not spur on some level the desire in young boys to be violent. I only have to remember the afternoons of building wooden Katana Swords after watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in an effort to reenact the fight scenes with my brother in the backyard to understand that. I spent my teenage years playing some of the most violent games video games on the market and I escaped unscathed. I attribute that to my parents who instilled in me a strong sense of right and wrong and of respecting those around me.

Later in life I encountered more of these parents who would leave in the middle of a movie to yell at me or another manager because their teenage son or daughter heard or saw something the parent found particularly offensive.

One Friday evening during the lull between the seven pm and nine pm rush, one of these moms rushed out of a PG-13 movie, face bright red in a mix of embarrassment and anger over the fact that a theater chain would show a movie that had the phrase “penis pump” in it. It was clear in the eyes of the son following 15 feet back that he was embarrassed by his mom, and not the phrase. While these parents would no doubt say they acted out of a desire to protect their children my guess is the the truth was they were the ones embarrassed.

What about that? My parents may have been embarrassed at things that my brother or I heard while in their presence but I do not think they ever overreacted by rushing us away before the words could corrupt us. George Carlin once said in his famous routine “There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad Intentions,” not exactly a lesson my parents taught me, but one I happen to believe in. Not to mention an extremely funny routine. One of Carlin’s best.

We ran into parents that took offense because we got on to their child for breaking a rule. Like the father irate with theater management because an usher told their child to take their feet off the back of the seat in front of them. He believed he bought a ticket; he and his son should be able to enjoy the theater seats how he saw fit. Again I think this is more that the parent was embarrassed by being called out in front of other people than the actual infraction.

As I drive home through our neighborhood on the way home its not uncommon to see kids under 10 playing in the street, unsupervised. It is not uncommon to see kids running into the street to catch a ball, or riding their bikes with no concern about traffic as parents look on. And when I stop suddenly to avoid hitting their child, they sit in their lawn chairs, drinking from their 25 cent coffee refill mugs they received from the local gas station appearing not at all concerned for the well being of their child.

I learned from a young age not to play in the street. And if we ever had a close call with a car my father was not afraid to point out our lapse in judgment. He had a way of speaking to us that scared the shit out of my brother and I. Not because he was mean, but because it was said in such a way that you didn’t for one moment doubt he would follow through with the consequences if you ignored him.

I have seen posts from parents on our community internet forum claiming their kids are sneaking out at 2am, where they believe they are heading down to the bridge where drug activity is rumored. The story followed by a plea for help and a comment about how much they work and they are unable to stay up to catch their child and if anyone sees their child out and about, to call them. When you choose to be a parent, or allow the choice to be made for you, parenting should become your first priority. You take on a responsibility not only to your child, but also to those around you to be a parent. To say no when it’s needed, to comfort and guide when you can, and to do everything you can to keep your child out of trouble. You do not get credit for molding someone that acts the same as you because the goal is to make them better than you. Better than your parents if you can.

Our society has forgotten what respect is and at the same time gotten too sensitive and litigious. We have forgotten how to measure success and what it means to succeed. And you, as parents, are the only ones that can fix it. You are the only ones that can add the values of our grandparents and great grandparents back into our society.

Kids these days are surrounded by more stray sparks than we were and exponentially more than our parents. All of those sparks fighting to release the powder from that keg in a brilliant explosion that gets noticed, but it doesn’t have to be that way. All it takes is a parent who is brave enough to make the tough decisions. A parent wiling to put their child before themselves. A parent more afraid of how their child will been seen by the world than how their child will see them. A parent who is there to dowse the flames when they get too close to the powder keg.